Craziness, desperation or actually normal, expected behaviour?

Writing all this entries makes me feel crazy, desperate, weird and nuts. I have been feeling like this for a while now and it was such a relief to discover this (Go! Hit the link!):

https://2009-2017.state.gov/m/fsi/tc/c56075.htm

It's the document the American government had put together for its expats coming back home. It has all the research you may expect and it’s so professionally written.

OMG! I read it and felt soooooo relieved! I was not crazy after all. I was not a spoiled person not being able to enjoy and appreciate all of the good things my new life had. My little heart was working properly and my brain too! I was just following the expected path I was supposed to advance.

I wanted to shout it to the world, and that’s why I am writing this blog. How come I hadn’t ever heard about Reverse Culture Shock? All I have read was the clichéd articles in magazines about obstacles and challenges you would find if you come back home after an adventure abroad. But that did not apply me! It was not an adventure abroad, in my case it was a life abroad!! I hated the articles, because they minimised the experience and the situation and I could not see myself there, connect there.

And then my friend C, gave me what I needed. I went to see her this summer, in my last visit to London, because I had to make up with her. Last time I saw her, in Madrid back in October, we enjoyed a morning together. At least I did, not sure about them! One of the best things when you move back is having visits from the friends you left behind. Really it’s not the same going yourself back to meet them; having them in your new home is the absolute treat.

As I was saying, they found the usually highly-spirited Julia, deep down the hole. Sad, lost and although not regretting having come back, really explaining how damned hard it was. BOOM! Because later that morning they told me they were actually leaving London and coming back to their country.

I felt horrible for having exposed so crudely my miseries. So, next time I was in London, I had to see her to tell her that, after all, everything seemed perfectly nice and I was enjoying being back in Spain. Hooray! That I had overcome whatever I was going through and I guessed it was just a matter of time.

-“I was sure, you will end up sorting it out, Julia- she replied. Of course it looked to me like a phase you were going through”. And then, she gave me the best present she could. My super wise friend C. kept saying:

-“Actually, I have read about Reverse Culture Shock to know how to prepare myself for the change”.

-“Wait, what?”- Startled big eyes on my face.

-“Reverse Culture Shock. You know, it has even a name to describe what a person goes through when going back home after experiencing enough time abroad”.

Bless her!  One really must to have a friend like C in one’s life: reflective, wise and so cultivated. Happy and easy to jump in deep conversation, even if there’s been months since last time you saw her and you know you just have an hour or so together. So, we move on to discuss again deeply other subject that doesn’t come into this blog, but may need its own: women in the forties and related issues. Poor C! 

She still wants to see me again, she says.